I decided to do a 365, FINALLY. It’s neen going so well. The amount of knowledge I have gained in just one month is more than I gained in a year of just doing sessions. It has gotten me to constantly be looking for opportunities to capture our life in a beautiful way. It also has help me get my style closer to where I want it to be. I am taking a photo daily and then posting I my photo Instagram @debiraephoto. I don’t stress about posting daily but I do make sure I take one daily. Here is one from last week. Isn’t Hudson just adorable!
Just a little before and after. Need to start blogging more for the memories and I guess this is a good start
I am beyond grateful for so many wonderful things.
I'm sitting here looking at his cute sleepy face and I'm overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Hudson has brought a new look on life that I am excited to figure out. I am looking at things differently with him here. Our lives have definitely changed.
So far it's not in big ways just in small ways. We have to consider him and what he needs before we plan anything. The number one thing that has changed is time and timing.
I used to be able to get ready and out the door in a half hour…. ha. I haven't figured out his feeding schedule enough to get out the door within 2 hours. I had been doing pretty good... then I adjusted it for what I thought would be better and it wasn't!
He went from happy self scheduling perfectly to a fussy tired and hungry all the time baby. I'm grateful in the last 2 days he hopped right back into his happy baby mode. I bet he is pretty happy about it too.
So now I have a baby that sleeps 3-6 hours between feedings and wakes up every morning between 6:15-7.
I knew he was perfect but letting me get some sleep really makes him even cooler.
I'm grateful for my little man.
I'm grateful for a loving and supportive husband.
I'm grateful I'm almost all healed up.
I'm grateful I'm getting sleep.
I'm grateful I'm NOT pregnant.
I'm grateful for my “tribe” and all the support and love they give.
I'm grateful for coffee.
I'm grateful for this new chapter we've started.
I'm grateful I love my life.
I hope you have a grateful kind of day too <3
After all the months of imaging what he was going to look like, what labor would be like and if pregnancy would ever end.... he's here! He really is... I'm still in shock. Every time I see any of the photos that were taken at his birth I am full with such gratitude for such an amazing experience.
Labor was easy. Relatively.
I elected to be induced one day before my due date. I was ready. I had let the fear of labor start to cloud my judgment. I wanted to have him before my excitement for the process dwindled. I went in to labor and delivery on Tuesday morning at 7 am. By 930 I was all hooked up with Pitocin started.
Once the pitocin started I started to have contractions. It didn't do much, I even took a nap. They gave me a choice on whether I wanted my water broke but I wanted to see if it could happen with just the pit. After a while it was time to get out of bed and get moving. That day I walked over 4 miles in this small loop that went around the labor and delivery floor. But 12 hours later and all the pitocin they would give me and all that I had felt was what I would call bad period cramps.
I had gone in dilated to a loose 3 and 70% effaced and when they checked me I was the same. They gave me my options explaining that I could relax take a shower, try more pitocin, break my water or go home and see what happens... I had no idea what to do and the fear of labor all the sudden started to overtake my thoughts. I had been excited and happy about all of it (even the pushing) a few days before and all that was dwindling fast. I took a bath relaxed and knew I needed to just make a choice. If I had them break my water the likelihood of c-section and infection would increase significantly. However, at this point my mind was more scared of the process than of having a c-section.
I had them break my water around 9 pm.
Gross. Hot water came out in a gush. It continued to gush for hours making me feel like I was peeing myself over and over again. Joy. I started having contractions almost immediately that were double anything I had previously. And which each contraction the pain was doubling on itself. (They think it could've been the 12 hrs of pit making it go so quickly) by the 7th contraction. I knew I was ready to get an epidural. I had thought I would try it without one but I think I threw that idea out the window pretty quickly.
The anesthesiologist was amazing. (Long paragraph ahead about allergies that I don't want to forget) She had come in right after my water was broke and explained the process. She also asked some interesting questions. Come to find out there are a few allergies that are related and I had no idea I had developed almost all of them in the last couple years. I've always been sensitive to local anesthesia and it takes more than double to numb me at the dentist. So she started with that one and I said yes it takes a lot. Then she knew that I had been having trouble with the bands that they use to monitor baby and I had broken out in a rash. (Not to mention they had to get hypoallergenic sheets sent up because the others were bugging me too) Long story short it is latex, local anesthesia, kiwis, bananas and pineapple! I had never realized bananas and pineapple but when I thought back over pregnancy I realized those had popped up now and then. The biggest one was latex though. My back was COVERED in sore spots from the big tape thing they use for the epidural. And anywhere they had to tape me took days and days to heal.
The epidural did exactly what it was suppose to do. It stopped all the pain and with it all the contractions. They waited a few hours to see if it would start on its own again, it didn't. They came in and checked me and I was still the same as before... they started the pitocin again just after midnight. The epidural was strong and trying to sit up and not having control enough to was a weird feeling. And slowly I could tell if I touched it my belly started to get tight but I definitely couldn't feel it. So I took another nap.
At one point in the night the nurse came in to switch me from my left side (the side baby favored my entire pregnancy) to my right side. Within a few minutes I noticed baby's heartbeat slow a litttle and I moved towards my back instead of that side. She came in again a couple minutes later and switched me back to the left side and put me on oxygen just in case. But soon as I was back on my left side his heart rate came back up and all was good. I would guess this happened around 2.
I think it was around 4 that they decided to check me to see if I had made progress because I was saying I could feel some pain on my left side. I shouldn't have been feeling it there though because normally the epidural numbs more on the bottom side of your body. But I had almost full movement of my legs and that tingling feeling was mostly gone. Gratefully when they checked me I was dilated to a 7 and almost 100% effaced. I have everyone a heads up and went back to sleep.
The contractions got closer together and my doctor was going off shift at 7. She came in apologized that she may not be there for me. She was part of the reason I wanted to be induced on that day. She'd been my doctor the entire pregnancy and I didn't want a stranger. Before she left she decided to check me and low and behold I was a 10!!! Annndddd... ready to go.
I called all the necessary people and told them to hurry their butts back to the hospital because I would be ready to push soon.
Soon came fast. However, I wanted my sister to be there but she was 30 minutes away so I held it in. Then there was an accident she got stuck behind (of course) and it took her almost a full hour to get to the hospital. I called her and she said she was in the parking lot so I told them to call the doc I was ready.
About a week or two earlier I have been analyzing a couple of friends births and my sisters. Quite a few of them had all had amazing experiences and I wanted that too. I'm a big believer in positive thinking and I knew that there was some things that would be out of my control on how baby got into this world. Although, my reaction to the entire experience was 100% within my control. As things begin to hurt I kept repeating to myself, "this is a choice". Not only was having a baby a choice but my reaction to the pain and all of the unknown was also a choice. I guarantee having this mindset made labor a lot easier.
The doctor came in, introduced herself, and told Mike she had heard he was feeling sick and handed him DayQuil 🙌🏻 he had started getting sick the day before and try as he might he felt like crap.
We did a couple practice pushes so she could explain a little on how to push and then my nurse (the absolutely amazing Lee) took over and counted pushes for me. Once the doctor had left in between pushes Lee explained that her baby sister had been in an accident. Only an hour before a DUMP TRUCK had ran her over on her scooter!!! And she was there delivering my baby acting as if everything was fine. I'm beyond impressed with how she not only treated me but how cool and level headed she stayed. By some miracle later we found out that the guy was going straight and cut her off in her lane when he decided to turn left at the last second. Her scooter got stuck under the truck and she went under the truck. Somehow all that happened (thanks to her helmet) was a tendon on one side tore from her toe to her knee. Definitely not good but considering what happened I guarantee she'll take that over the alternative.
Ok back to my delivery... I was pushing for just under and hour so I'm pretty sure I was pushing without the doctor for around 20-30 minutes. I really have no idea. I'll have to look at the photo time stamps. My amazing nurse was having me push for three counts of 10 and then I would get to "relax". People had told me that you get a minute to relax in between but it's not really a minute to relax. It's a minute to wait while you're still hurting just not hurting as bad. The minute to "relax" was almost annoying to wait. I just wanted to get to the next contraction.
Mike situated himself on my left side behind the bed rails. The whole time he held my arm and anytime he could tell that I was really in pain he would rub. It was a perfect distraction in the painful parts to know he was there.
Aleea, my sister, held my left leg and my nurse Lee held my right. I would grab the backs of my legs to push it was much easier to try and put my knees up towards my chest on either side. If I like the more that I was able to relax them down towards me the more my pelvis would open.
Once I was fully in the "ring of fire" stage, it was hard not to sob and cry a little in between pushes. This was when I definitely just wanted to keep pushing instead of just sit there and cry. I remember thinking "I wonder if it would be easier to just keep pushing, at least I would be doing something".
TMI- once they told me that the head was starting to come out I knew that the likelihood of me pooping on the table went down significantly. It's amazing how much better the pushes became once I knew that embarrassing experience wouldn't happen.
They asked me if I wanted to feel the head and I remember my thoughts were "NO, I want to freaking push to get him here. I don't want him to stay in there!"
At this point the pain made me extremely determined to get him out. My mind went one track and pushing was all I could think about. I wanted to help pull him out and be the one to put him on my chest. When his head was out the doctor helped his shoulder a little and either her or Lee said, "Now is your chance grab your baby." I reached down grabbed him and pulled him to me.
Everyone had told me that in that moment my love would grow and I'd be changed forever. All I felt in that moment was SHOCK. I was in complete shock that a baby, A FREAKING BABY, was sitting on my chest and for the last ten months that was what was in my belly. I had made that... I felt relief from the pain, shock and confusion. My brain wasn't letting me focus on anything but emotion.
I started to shake and bawl.
I didn't want to let him go and I needed to be close to him. It wasn't a loving feeling it was more of a primal need to have him close to me and know where he was.
Going back a little...
He had a thick layer of vernix on his back and not much blood. While I'm glad I had a bra on I wish it would've opened in front so I could've thrown it on he floor and put him directly on my chest. (With the bra on, having him on my chest almost felt dirty and sticky. So get a front buckle if you're wearing a bra for delivery!)
I delayed the cord clamping and just held him for a bit. Once the cord was clamped I cut the cord myself. It's something I really wanted to do especially since Mike had said he would prefer not to cut it. I Don't know why but I was expecting no blood to come out and when some dripped out I was surprised. When I delivered the placenta it felt like jello coming out and I didn't feel pain. I didn't tear really but the doctor put in three “cosmetic” stitches because she thought I would like them. Ha. That sentence is funny to me. The pain from anything that came after he was delivered was so much less that I felt nothing.
He had been wheezing a little and had not let out a big cry when he came out so they asked if they could check him out. His cries had been more muddled and soft. He was definitely breathing but almost lethargic.
I told Mike I didn't want him to go over to the warmer alone and I wanted Mike to go hold his hand. I think that's when Mike fell in love with little man. I chose to have him vaccinated and when he cried it got to Mike. (See the video👉🏻)
He breastfed almost immediately and it wasn't weird at all. I had a fear that it would be gross or foreign and I wasn't sure how I was going to feel. (Now I love breastfeeding him) The massaging that they give you after delivery I couldn't really feel either. I even massaged it a little myself because my soft belly was so intriguing to me.
Slowly everyone cleared out and it was just Mike and I with baby. I was so grateful. I was tired, still a little in shock, and wanted to process what had happened. I think the entire time I was in the hospital I was a little out of it and not fully realizing what had happened.
I'll write more on our first 24 hours with baby later because that was different and emotional.
For now we are enjoying Hudson so much. We both are obsessed with his cuteness and even argue sometimes on who gets to hold him ;)
We had a great delivery and labor was much easier than I had made it out to be in my head
We are happy.
My amazing friends and photographers were Emily & Kyla. They are both located in Northern Colorado but both travel. Emily is exclusively a wedding photographer an Kyla specializes in Boudoir and weddings.
http://kjeanphoto.com/ https://www.facebook.com/kjeanphoto/ https://www.facebook.com/kjeanphoto/
So teeny, so cute, so absolutely perfect. 💙
I can't believe I gave birth to the most perfect little boy 6 days ago. Labor technically started a whole week ago!
Hudson is so chill and so easy. (Especially, now that I understand a breast-feeding schedule! 🙈) All I want to do all day is stare at his perfect little face. Sometimes I'm sad to swaddle him all up because then I can't see his cute fingers and toes.
It's amazing how much your love grows for someone every day. The bond that I feel with him is just getting stronger. One minute I'll be looking at him and feel so blessed that I start crying and I will admit that there has been those "I'm a bad mom" moments. I'm grateful they pass quickly and I can tell it's just hormones.
Even with my body healing and the lack of sleep this is by far easier than any day pregnant. I am loving every second of his perfect existence. I didn't know I'd be so happy and excited so quickly. Happy Tuesday Friends.
I have a baby! A real one. One I made.
Still in shock....
I'm laying in bed trying to relax and fall asleep when it hits me. I'm filled with gratitude and appreciation.
Life changes so quickly. People come into your life and phase out of your life so easily. I've had so many wonderful people touch my life in the simplest of ways that left huge meaning. I feel close to people I barely know because of a chance meeting with special purpose at a certain time when I needed a little boost.
People come into your life serve a purpose and leave. While others stay for a long time or forever never having fulfilled the purpose that they're serving.
I am so blessed to have family that I love dearly and who are a wonderful influence on me. And a husband that is such a wonderful, loving and kind person.
Im looking back on 2016 and while there has definitely been some challenges there has been immense growth in the direction of the type of person I want to be. Most of it had been pondering, sticky notes and list that never fully got implemented but so much understanding of where I want the rest of my life to go has come this year.
Ive found the person I want to be and now I have to take action towards that person. It is a peaceful feeling to have a clear picture of the attributes I want to embody. I've had this feeling before but it's never been so clear as it is right now.
The other day Mike and I were having a conversation about me and who I want to be. He told me how he loved me, loved my ideas and plans for myself but he also told me that it was time to stop making list and start taking my ideas and creating that life for myself. He explained that he didn't want me to loose myself in becoming a mom. He knows that I need to be ME and be a mom. I had tunnel vision and could only think of one thing: getting through this pregnancy. I was so caught up in the morning sickness and doing what was best for baby (and surviving the day) that I stopped creating and stopped working on my passions.
Talk about an amazing husband.
You have to have a partner that knows you really well to point that kind of life altering focus out to you. After we talked he helped me realize that I had gotten out of the feeling of being appreciative and grateful for my life. When I am able to focus on those things life runs smoother.
things that you view as less than something else
i've been thinking a lot about things that I can work on in the new year. I want to be a better me and improve on areas of myself that could use a little work. ive noticed that when trying to set goals setting them is never the problem. For me, the problem always lies in the first few steps of taking action. I may even work on the goal for a few days but then something will come up and I will make excuses as to why "I just don't have time" or "I can't do that today" then the goal slowly dwindles into another great idea that I once had for myself.
I know that it needs to happen, I set alarms, write lists, put up sticky notes but then I just don't do it. After a few times of ignoring the reminders it's not as hard to ignore them and I eventually forget what they were for in the first place and remove the reminders.
Sounds like healthy habits eh?! In the new year I really want to work on this. My goal is to take action. I have no idea how I will do with this goal but it is one that I will never give up on. I will always want better for myself and I will always expect to be improving.
For today that's it. Just a blog post about one of my flaws and how I am working to overcome it. if you have ever had the same problem let me know how you do it or what things you changed to stay on task. I know it's time to implement some knew habits that will make me happier and I'm always open to feedback!
I feel like I am doing well. I had the sickness, the nausea, the headaches, and where everything I smelt made me feel funny. Then the body changes started and physically I started to feel better, However, the emotional flood gates opened. I started thinking horrible things about my changing body and how I would never be a good mom to this baby growing inside me. It was a loosing battle and I was forcing myself to be on both sides. The side that loved and wanted baby to be growing strong and healthy and the side that I hated myself for getting fat. I would get angry at myself for not approving of the changes and then get angry for telling myself I would never be enough. I was having all these feelings of joy, hate, love and anger and they were tearing me up inside.
Now I have mini episodes of the physical and I remind myself daily of positive things to keep the emotional (and quite frankly crazy) side down to a minimal. I am still emotional and cry at every Facebook video or hallmark commercial but let's be real I did that before I got pregnant too. I can now look at myself and say nice things and my inner talk has lightened. I am working on being one of "those" pregnant women. You know the ones who are comepletely zen, meditate and work out for at least an hour a day... (I'm at 20 minutes of yoga so let's see if I can keep that up.) I never knew that this would be such a struggle. I thought I would be able to handle it all with grace and positivity but I didn't. I had an idealistic and unrealistic view of pregnancy.
In no way am I saying that I can't start now, I am saying I'm changing the pattern I created.
For next time- I'm going to make a dream board and a positive affirmation board. I'm going to make sure I get out of bed and shower and put clean clothes on. I'm going to look in the mirror and say positive things. I'm going to put my goals up where I can see them. I've always known that I am a visual person and need those visual reminders to stay on task so next time I'm going to make sure those are in place.
For now I'm making a list of all the things I can do to make me happy. Every day I do one or more of them to keep me being positive. I am finding that having a morning routine goes a really long way. On those days I'm relaxed and even if something pops up unexpectedly I am not reactive. I take care of it and move on.
I am also aware that my feelings get hurt EASILY. I wasn't realizing how much so until I had a few run ins with people on Facebook saying harmless things and me getting so hurt I cried. I am recognizing that I can stay away from certain interactions that I know will make my tender prego heart sad. I feel a little pathetic and weird for saying that but I can not ignore a consistent pattern of my reactions and let it keep happening. Especially when it is affecting other people negatively.
All in all I have enjoyed this process. I think I will enjoy this second half more now that I'm aware of the extra flood of hormones I'm dealing with. It does help that now I can feel my little man kicking me more and more. It is making this whole being pregnant thing more real and not just annoying symptoms with no reward.
So pregnancy.... it really is a crash course in loving yourself.
This wedding was AMAZING. I think mainly because they aren't clients anymore, they're friends. I got to help with any questions along the way and be their for them when things got a little stressful. It made the process so much more fun and I was able to deliver images knowing exactly what they wanted and what they had worked so hard to achieve. It showed. Their wedding was stunning. It was planned to the very last detail and was an all day event that everyone enjoyed. I only wish I could share all the images on the blog because since I was there all day long it is so many more than I can post on this blog and still keep you entertained enough to keep scrolling ;)
I hope you enjoy looking at these photos as much as I enjoyed taking them.
Venue: Brookside Gardens, Berthoud CO
Dress: Dora Grace Bridal
Hair & Makeup: Kendall w/ Brookside Gardens Spa
Flowers: Nature's Grace Design
DJ: Matt Amore
Videographer: KAL Films
Caterer- Origins Catering
Just a couple of videos to fully explain the thoughts and emotions that went through both of our heads as this whole process began.....
the first one is minutes after I took the pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I took 4 more tests before I really believed what was going on...
It all just happened so fast. We started "trying"/ not preventing pregnancy only 3 weeks prior. I'm beyond grateful how fertile I am but doesn't make it any less shocking!!!
This second one is me telling Michael! I didn't get nervous until I hit record and out the phone on top of the fridge.
Soon as I took that first video in a daze and in shock I went to Target to see if I could find a cute way to tell Mike. I don't know how people wait and do something big, like a photo shoot, because there was no way I could've waited any longer than the six hours that I waited for him to get home. After I got the cute little booties, blanket and pacifiers I went ahead and made the little watercolor sign. I wanted something cute that he could read so I wouldn't have to talk. I also wanted the date that I told him to be on there so that we couldn't forget.
Whole30 journey... faves.
Well, that was rough but totally worth it.
If you don't know what Whole30 is go here
- Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/Whole30/?fref=ts
- Website : http://whole30.com/
- Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/whole30/
***disclaimer please check for your self if some of this is approved. I did my best to check but I will admit I was unsure on some things!!
Random tips I learned-
• COFFEE black, brewed with cinnamon and nutmeg.
• Cashew milk is amazing and only slightly nutty. I hate almond milk!!!
• Nutpods- ok, but definitely not good. Cashew milk was better.
• Lettuce bun hamburgers are easy and delicious!
• Chia seed pudding and fresh fruit was the easiest fast filling food!
• Costco was my best friend.
• Costco had organic chicken stock that is amazing that made super easy fresh soups. And was amazing in mashed potatoes.
• I had fried eggs almost every day with avacado oil and jalapeños.